I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
