How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
