i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
