I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
whose parrot is this?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How naked do you want me to be?
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