the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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