dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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