I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
