He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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