I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
