Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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