Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
