dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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