Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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