I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
