I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
