do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
