i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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