Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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