the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
