Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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