Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He kissed a someone with a penis
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
