Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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