It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
