remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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