that's an acceptable place to lick
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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