I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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