Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
