do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
it's like iHOP with fire
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
