Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
