Jerry, you need to find god
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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