i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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