I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
there is glitter all over my balls
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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