True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I want is dick and wine.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
