3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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