i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
