did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
