You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
