Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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