her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Alive.
So much puke
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
