New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
