hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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