Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
