Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So much rum. So many feels.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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