I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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