hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
