It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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