I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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