I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
