hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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