I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
