Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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