And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
