How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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